Imagine jumping out of a plane with no parachute; or riding on a runaway roller coaster; or swimming in the ocean in the middle of a hurricane, and you’re still not even close to what it’s like to do a karmic debt with your essence twin. (An essence twin is someone who is a mirror image of yourself at the soul level. Physically and personality-wise, you can be as different as night and day, but at the energy level, the soul level, you’re yin and yang.)
As I got drawn into my essence twin’s life, the objectivity with which I usually approached most of my life, faded away. I became inextricably drawn into his dramas until the web of his life encased me like a cocoon.
Like a swimmer caught in an undertow, I lost all sense of direction—I couldn’t tell if I were swimming up or down, right or left. The few times I managed to get to the surface, I was almost immediately sucked right back into the maelstrom.
The task itself was rather simplistic—stop him from committing suicide—something I had failed to do in two previous encounters. Oh, how simple it seemed; yet oh how complicated it became.
As my essence twin and I grew closer, his love for drama began to overtake me, until I became completely lost. First there was the growing neediness for attention, then the demands that I prove myself to him—prove my loyalty, my friendship, my “devotion”. These continued to increase until eventually I could no longer meet his demands and his expectations—no one would be able to.
Throughout this entire ordeal, my husband stood firm and tireless, always ready with a shoulder for me to cry on, or advice on how to cope with my wayward and frustrating twin. Never did he chide me for getting involved in this whole crazy dance, because he knew the importance of this encounter, and he understood that we all just had to see it through—to whatever the conclusion turned out to be.
The drama intensified, pushed by the same person who had egged my essence twin on in both previous lives. This time he was again manipulating the circumstances toward disaster, while I struggled to maintain a semblance of balance.
As my essence twin’s “best buddy”, this young man delighted in twisting the cords of friendship and watching my essence twin spin out of control. He was an expert in the subtle art of misdirection, and excelled in planting the seeds of doubt, mistrust and fear.
I knew that nothing I said would convince my essence twin of this man’s duplicity and scheming. The best I could do was try to disrupt this man’s efforts. For a while this worked, but then my twin and his buddy went away for a “guy’s weekend” and I found myself the object of my twin’s suspicions.
Having lost that edge, I began to work with my essence twin’s girlfriend. She had also expressed her distrust and dislike of his “friend”, so it became a strong alliance. My essence twin’s buddy, sensing the danger, decided to break up the romance. By using his smooth tongue and lying ways, he convinced my essence twin that his girlfriend was untrue.
I thought my essence twin would see right through this, but I underestimated his “buddy”. Manipulating people was his specialty, and his glib tongue proved more damaging than I thought.
All of this was brought home to me when, in the middle of the night, my internal alarms went off. Unable to sleep, I got up and followed my instincts to the computer and my email. There in my In Box was a suicide note from my essence twin. Thoroughly lost in the drama of the play now, I freaked. Hysterical, I woke up my husband. When I finally managed to explain to him what was happening he helped me to calm down, then decide what to do.
The decision was to call the police. After reading them the note, they rushed to my essence twin’s apartment, but he wasn’t there. Having kept me on the phone, they then asked if I knew where he worked. I did, so I told them. They hurried over there and finding my essence twin there, they hustled him into the squad car.
Embarrassed—oh, yes. Furious—you bet. He said he would hate me forever for doing what I did, and I thought my heart was breaking with every epithet he spewed at me while I filled out the police report which would commit him to the psyche ward of the local hospital for at least 5 days.
Several days after my essence twin was released from the hospital where he had been held for observation, I made myself go to his apartment and face him.
I knocked on the door not sure what to expect—no response, a slammed door in my face, more screaming? When he first answered, I thought he would simply close the door and leave me standing there in the hallway. His face was a mixture of storm clouds and resignation. Finally, the anger slid away, leaving just the resignation.
I told him I was sorry, but I had been so worried after reading that note, that I had to do something. He stared at the floor and the silence stretched like taffy. Finally, when he spoke it was in a hushed and quiet voice. He admitted that he had come close that night to killing himself—closer than he really meant to. Close enough that he had frightened himself, too. He raised his eyes to meet mine, and again the silence lingered between us. Then he simply said, Thank you.
Suddenly a small tug pulled at my soul and at the same time I heard a small, clear chime-like sound resound within me, and I knew—it was done. We had found balance between us. I had succeeded in stopping him, and he had acknowledged what I had done. Now we could both move on with our lives.
We talked a few more times after that, and he recognized what a negative influence his “buddy” had always been. So to make a fresh start, he headed out to California where he started his own dot com, got married, and is doing quite well for himself.
That whole episode took nearly 3 years. Three years of the most intense emotional rollercoaster that I have ever been on. It was 3 years of overwhelming, emotional turmoil that sucked me in, tumbled me around and spit me back out. I was drained and glad; bewildered and sad (at his leaving); lost and in need of a nice calm life.
I had repaid one other karmic debt earlier in my life, and I had experienced none of the emotional turmoil that I had just gone through with my essence twin. Then I remembered what Michael had said regarding the difficulty of completing monads and karma with an essence twin: “Karma is very compelling, and karma between essence twins even more so…” and I thought to myself, “What an understatement.”
It is the most intensely emotional experience you can imagine. You lose all sense of self. Nothing is as important as the “play”. The drama becomes all-consuming. There is no world outside or beyond you and your essence twin and those “bit players” who are part of your drama. Rational thought and objectivity become impossible and when it’s all over, you wonder who that crazy person was. Because you would never act that way or say those thing—and yet you did.
It’s as if you became someone else for a while, but now you’re back. Shell-shocked and little worse for wear, but you are back.
So, if you feel your threads are leading you to a karmic reunion with your essence twin, put on a parachute, fasten your seatbelt, and grab a life vest, ‘cause you’re in for a hell of a ride.