For those of you who have been following along on my blog Heart of Dying, you know that I’m trying to establish a balance with my body. To do that, I’m trying to find a way to work within the ever shrinking boundaries that my body keeps giving me, and it’s not easy. However, it has made me very aware of my physicality, something that I’ve pretty much avoided my entire life. Instead, while I’ve always existed in the physical world, I’ve lived in my own head. It’s my own version of a virtual world.
I’m a person who has always lived within my head. I live through ideas, thoughts, concepts, and imaginings. At least 80% of my life has been cerebral activities rather than physical activities.
To me, a physical life is one where the person is aware of his/her surroundings and interacts with them—the people, places and things that make up reality. For instance, picture a room full of people, with lots of music and food available. A person rooted in physicality will at least try speaking with one or more of the persons in the room, and might even ask someone to dance. They would try some of the refreshments, and would most likely remember all the smells, sounds, and tastes from the evening.
However, I’m the type of person who would observe the activity, and then in my head invent dialog and scenarios for the different people, rather than actually interact with them. But, in my current situation, that of having a physical body that acts like a wayward toddler, I don’t really have the luxury of escaping to my virtual worlds anymore. Now, I’m actually existing and living in the physical world.
Because of this, I’m more aware of the people and their thoughts, activities, and needs; and I’m much more aware of smells, sights, sounds, and tastes. Granted, the greatest pull is to the needs of my own physical body, but even when it doesn’t need my immediate attention, it holds me in the present moment with its heaviness. So while I abide by this anchor, I use my time now to take notice of those around me. I’ve even tried reaching out to those nearby, which reinforces that link to the present physical reality moment. And, if there aren’t other people around, then I notice the flora and fauna, the insects, and other critters roaming around me.
I no longer isolate myself in my own version of a virtual world; for good or bad, I’m in this world and I’m finally letting myself live in it, not just exist.