There were four of them. Four adorable, cuddly, and very frisky little doxies (dachshounds). They were quite a handful, literally and figuratively, as sometimes I seemed to have them on a tether, and other times I was trying to carry them in my arms, and in some instances, I was carrying two and trying to hang on to the tether for the other two.
I call it a tether, rather than a leash, because it wasn’t strong enough for a leash. In fact, for the two friskiest dogs, the tether was more like a long, thin strand of thread. I was constantly afraid that it was going to break with all their pulling, twisting, and antics, and I tried hard to control them without holding them back too much.
The two less frisky dogs had a tether that was more solid. I kept wondering why I couldn’t exchange the thread-like tether on the two friskier dogs for this one, which was sturdier. Yet, I could never keep the frisky dogs quiet long enough to swap out the leashes. So, eventually, I stopped trying.
I stumbled behind the foursome of dogs letting them lead me where they will, often picking up the two quieter ones so that we could all keep up with the two rambunctious puppies. Eventually, realizing that I just couldn’t keep up with them, I let loose of the tethers for all of them and let them take off.
Feeling bereft and alone, I turned to go back home, but then the two quieter dogs came back and insisted on cuddling. I picked them up and they licked my face and seemed genuinely glad to be with me. I waited a few moments more, hoping the other two would also return, but they never did.
Although, it broke my heart to give up on the two rambunctious puppies, I realized that they didn’t really want to be with me. So, I went inside with the two puppies that did.
So, what does all that mean? Well, what it means to me, is that I need to understand that not everyone wants to be my friend; not everyone is going to care about me; and not everyone is going to accept me…and that’s okay.
That’s the big key…it’s okay. I’ve been trying so hard all my life to be accepted, by myself and others, that I couldn’t see the people who did like me. I never saw that I had friends and family who cared, because I was too focused on winning over those that didn’t. I get it now, though (it’s taken long enough;-). But instead of trying to win over those people who just aren’t ever going to understand, don’t want to understand, and who don’t want to know or like me as I am, I need to appreciate those people who see the worth of me. I need to appreciate who I am and what I bring to “the party” (as it were), and I need to appreciate all those people who have liked and loved me for who I am all those years.
We’re all special, and we all need to recognize and appreciate that. It’s taken me way too many years to understand that. But for all of you have seen something special in me…I thank you. And I hope the hugs I send in this message can in some small way show you how much I appreciate all of you.