Where is Love?

wave washed heart and pink shovel_4500Where has the romantic gone?

How did she become lost?

Where is the lonely little girl who constantly poured her soul

Into a few choice words—laying bare her life, her heart, and her mind?

I have searched everywhere, yet she remains lost.

I see a form; it could be her.

Instead I am confronted with some glowering old woman

Whose sour disposition seeps forth from every seam of her face,

and every pore of her skin.

Like the odor of spoiled meat, it surrounds her in a miasma,

full of despair and dislike.

When she sees me, she grabs my sleeve

and demands querulously, “Where is love? Where has it gone?”

“I was a young woman once—in love with life and filled with joy.

Now, here I am dressed in these rags. My hair is coarse and my

face is wrinkled. I do not understand. How did I come to be this way?”

Her tears follow the runnels of her face

until they tumble free and splash against her shawl.

Her claw-like fingers still grip my sleeve

and I find myself patting her age-speckled hand.

Love is so fleeting, so swiftly fading.

With its departure do we lose our youth,

our beauty and our way.

Feeling her pain, I turn her toward the light.

Wiping away her tears, I softly explain

that love is there, in front of her.

For within the light all is joy,

and within the light all is music,

and within the light everything is love.

With a look of awe, she releases me

and reaches toward the light.

As she shuffles forward, her countenance changes.

Her face grows smoother, and her back straighter,

and as the glow surrounds her, somewhere deep

within myself I feel the tones of love resound.


The art of regaining balance

Karma – the need to rebalance energies made imbalanced through the addition of or removal (abrogation) of another’s life choices without their permission.

Sometimes the balancing a karmic debt can be very emotional and drama-filled. Because of this, it can take most of a lifetime to balance one instance of karma. Other times it can simply take a couple of astral meetings to work things out.

The amount of difficulty is driven by the age of the souls involved, and by their acceptance or reluctance to put things “right”.

In this lifetime, I had one instance where, while I was willing to put things “right”, the other person wasn’t so enthusiastic about it. [See Karma and the Essence Twin] I’ve also had one where both of us were willing and the re-establishing of balance entailed me to merely invite the person into my home. [See The Diary of Annabelle Lee for the story of what caused the karma.]

But the easiest rebalancing of all was the karma I incurred from my past as a Japanese business man, circa 1650. I was fiercely competitive, as was my main rival. But the strangest part was that we actually enjoyed the competition, and both of us thrived on it, as did our relationship. We developed a camaraderie based on our rivalry with one another and we relished the ability to shock the other with our daring. Every day we strove to find ways to steal the other’s best customers, or find another (better) way of marketing our goods.

However, as the years progressed, the competition somehow got the best of us, especially when the economy began to dip. I found a way to manipulate my competitor’s son into making a bad deal for his father’s shop, and in shame, his father killed himself. That left the company vulnerable, and I bought it, paying less than it was worth. But what I learned that day was that although I had made a great deal on a company, I had no one to share it with; I had no one to gloat with. It wasn’t the competition I had loved so much, but the friend I’d had to share it with.

In this life, I met my rival when I joined the company where he worked. We were friendly, enjoyed working on projects together, and even enjoyed the same type of humor and similar pastimes (books, music, and movies). However, there was a certain lack of trust between us that we both felt, but couldn’t seem to overcome.

In an effort to get it resolved, we both went out at lunch time and did a meditation by the nearby lake. Meeting on the astral levels, we recognized the issues immediately. Our past was getting in the way of our present, and because of what I had one then, we were both having a difficult time creating that trust that we wanted.

We met several more times and each time we recognized the changes in each other and ourselves. While I had hurt him then, I was no longer that person, just as he was no longer Aio Ito, my Japanese competitor and the man I had shamed with my manipulations.

We were both more than those people now; we had grown and changed, and in that changing we had learned. We had learned that while competition can be fun, friendship means more, much more. Winning his company from his family hadn’t been fun because he had no longer been there. The fun had come from the rivalry we shared.

It might seem an odd type of relationship to most people, but still it was a friendship. Winning wasn’t the point of it; sharing the triumphs and the defeats with each other had been the point.

Once we recognized and acknowledged the truth of all of that, we found we could trust one another again. Now we had an even stronger friendship than when we had been rivals in Japan.

We had both learned that friendship was the key, not competition, not winning, not things. No object in this world would ever be worth as much as the friendship we rediscovered and rebuilt. And it’s something that each of us should always remember, in every life we live—without friendship, no one wins.

Seeking validation

Have you ever noticed that for the most part we do things to show other people? Most of us decorate our houses so that we can show them off to our friends and families; or we buy a new outfit and can’t wait to wear it to work or to the next get-together to show our friends or co-workers.

We’re always seeking validation and acceptance from others. I’m not immune; I do the same thing—well not so much with the decorating or the outfits—but with my thoughts and ideas. I put my thoughts and ideas out here and hope other people will accept them, and validate them with their comments or approval, and therefore, make me feel accepted.

Most of us find a way to create something that expresses our ideas, our beliefs, that intensely personal part of ourselves that exists within. As I said, with me it’s writing, for my spouse it’s drawing, and for one of my co-workers it’s music. But not everyone feels creative, and even those who do still try to find validation and acceptance through the creations of others.

I also read books and view movies with an eye toward validating my beliefs, my ideas (and because I enjoy reading and watching movies);-). And I know many others do the same. Yet two people can watch the same movie and come away with totally different perceptions as to whether it was good, simply because for one it contradicts what they think and believe, and for the other it validated what they think and believe.

I can think of several movies that have made me feel as if my views and concepts of the world were valid. My views as to how time and alternate realities works are echoed in a movie called Frequency, while the movie Dead Again reflects (for me) how life lessons can play out.

Another movie that I find fascinating, and which validates some of my ideas and concepts of how life is continuous is Dragonfly with Kevin Costner (of course, it helps that it uses my favorite dragonflies as its central symbol).

But I also find books to be a fascinating source of validation. One of my favorites, Bag of Bones by Stephen King, expresses beautifully the world of connections (cords, links, and threads) that lies just outside of our normal range of vision. While the Sookie Stackhouse series (by Charlaine Harris) validates my ability to “hear” people’s thoughts/emotions, and “know” what paths they might be contemplating.

I know some other folks find their validation through music (creating, playing, or listening to it), or from various arts such as painting, sketching, blowing glass, or sculpting (either creating it or looking at it). There are times I’ve been able to tap into what the other folks are feeling or seeing in regards to the music or art, and sometimes not. But then, there are many times that my friends don’t experience the same rush or moment of awe that I get from a passage in a book or movie, either.

Somehow, it doesn’t really matter what venue you get your sense of validation from, though, just as long as you do. Because I believe we all need validation; we all need acceptance. Some of us create the experience, some of us simply enjoy the creations, and some of us do a little of both. So, where do you find your validation and acceptance?


There’s something mystical and magical about early morning—or do you consider it still late night? Either way, the hours just before dawn, when not even the morning birds are up and calling yet, is very special.

There’s a stillness to the world that soothes the mind and the soul. I feel as if it’s my own special place and time; secret from the rest of the world, it’s all mine to share or not as I wish.

I love the quiet that I find during these few hours. It’s a rare stillness made all the more special because of the lack of auric noise, which during a normal day is exceedingly loud and jarring.

Auric noise is caused by everyone’s thoughts, emotions, and actions. When people are awake, they generate a lot of internal chatter, which creates waves of energy. These waves of energy flow outward (like the radar used by bats), banging into other people and objects. After they impact something or someone else, they break into multiple waves. It’s a cascade of energy, but unlike a waterfall, the sound (to me) isn’t pretty.

When people are awake, the world becomes a very noisy place to me. You see, without uttering a single word, I find out a lot about people, even people I don’t know. Usually, it’s not anything I want to know about them, either. Their internal chatter is broadcast through their auras and I end up “hearing” how they feel emotionally, what they’re thinking about, how their body is functioning, and a dozen other tidbits of information that they’d probably be embarrassed to know I can hear.

This information ebbs and flows as their attention ebbs and flows. It’s like a million televisions all jumping between different channels every few seconds. For some people, I hear only noise, static, with others I hear everything as if they were speaking directly to me. However, with most people, it’s just snippets of thoughts, images, profound emotions, musings, and other similar noises.

All of this noise can become exceedingly overwhelming. Just the idea of living in a crowded city is unthinkable to me. Sure, I can and do put up barriers to block out a lot of the “noise” that everyone else projects, but the effort to maintain that barrier is almost as draining as being barraged by the noise itself.

That’s why I live in a more suburban area—I would prefer a very rural area; however, the commute to the job makes that a bit prohibitive. There’s still plenty of noise around me, but at least in my corner of suburbia it’s somewhat contained. My husband is a big help in that regard. His aura is a very neutral barrier that I can “hide” behind. It acts as a damper and allows me moments of respite, moments when I can let down my barriers and just relax.

But I still love the early morning quiet. Most everyone is asleep, and the world is truly quiet. I don’t have to maintain my barriers or hide behind my husband’s aura. I can simply sit and enjoy being.

I find early mornings are also the best time for me to do any readings. There are no interfering energies so the information is much easier to get. But even if I’m not doing any readings, it’s still a beautiful time of day. The stars sparkle like diamonds against the darkness, and the trees whisper to the wind and to each other.

The frogs and toads sing in the swamp behind the house, and the lightning flickers across the western sky. Green eyes glow on the lawn, and then fade away. A deer bounds out of the woods to nibble at my hedges. A mother possum strolls across the yard, her babies clinging to her back, and an armadillo grumbles like an old man as it waddles over the flower bed.

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It’s a completely different world—a beautiful world. It’s a world full of noise and silence; a world full of mystery and wonder. It’s my world…and yours, if you care to join me. Come, bring a blanket and we’ll curl up on the swing and listen to the silence of the early morning.

Changing your point of view

I spoke of Gestalt Theory and perception previously in describing how I can “know” things or “see” things that others don’t normally perceive. You see, each person’s view of our shared reality is based on their perception. The more expansive their perception, the more expansive reality becomes.

Sometimes though, to expand your view of our shared reality, all you really need to do is change your viewpoint. For instance, have you ever gotten down on the floor to play with a child or a pet, and then noticed how different the world looks from down there?

If you let that perspective in and keep it in your memory, it can help you relate to certain events and situations that you may encounter as you go through life. After all, when you view the world from different points of view, it can help you expand your perspective.

The Gestalt Theory builds on that concept even more. It says that once you see one of the hidden patterns, your mind either has to expand to accept it, or clamp down even harder than before in an attempt to reject it. Because once you see the pattern, you can’t “unsee” it. It will always be there.

For instance, if you view the image below you probably just see a collection of black splotches on a white background.


Using that as an example of your view of our shared reality, you might assume that the world is a simple structure of black and white with some bits of randomness. However, if you shift your view point just a bit, you should be able to see a more definitive pattern in those bits of randomness.


As you look for some pattern in those random blotches you should begin to see the image of a Dalmatian sniffing along a street.

“Ahha!” you say. And now those black splotches will never again appear to be just random splotches. You will always find yourself seeing the dog and the street.

The first time most people see beyond the surface of our own shared reality they feel the same way. They blink, they turn away, they wonder if it’s real. But every time they look back, they keep seeing it.

Even those who are so frightened by this new awareness continue to see it, at least until they can convince their minds to ignore it. Then, if and until someone points it out to them again, they will be “blind” to it because it doesn’t fit in with those patterns they consider “normal”.

But each time we see one of these patterns, we expand our perceptions. Each time we expand our perceptions, we realize how much more there is to our world, to our life, to our reality. And for most of us, once we see this expanded view of our shared reality, we crave more, and, therefore, seek out more. More patterns, more depth, more expansiveness to our thoughts, our world, and our reality.

However, one thing to be aware of as you take this journey in search of hidden patterns and expanded awareness. It is possible to take things too far and to start seeing hidden patterns everywhere and in everything.

So remember, that while images of Elvis in your toast or Marilyn Monroe in the water stain of your ceiling may be interesting (and they may net you a bit of cash from Ebay), they won’t necessarily expand your awareness or help you see below the surface of the reality in which we live.

What do you see?

People often ask how I do what I do—see auras, read people’s energies, or move between planes—and the answer I usually give is that I shift my perspective, I shift my focus.

For instance, if you look at the image below:

Do you see a chalice? And if you shift your perspective, do you now see two faces?

Gestalt Theory says that the connections between everything create a pattern that cannot be seen when viewed as independent parts. It also points out that the human mind perceives specific patterns and associates those patterns with the reality in which it exists.

So, if the chalice is our perception of our current reality, then what happens if we shift our focus and no longer see the chalice? What happens if we shift our perception and the pattern we see is now the two faces?

It doesn’t mean that the first reality was not real, nor does it mean the second one isn’t real. They can both be real, especially if you consider that maybe the chalice and the two faces aren’t the complete picture. Maybe, they’re just pieces to the whole.

Doing what I do means having a very open mind as to what is real. I’m not talking about belief, but about acceptance, which is the absence of fear. Belief says that I’m taking it on faith with nothing to back it up, and with the fear that someone might come along and prove me wrong. Acceptance says that I have some proof, though maybe not enough to convince a scientist, and that I’m not afraid of encountering another (differing) opinion or proofs. I’m also not afraid that what I’m experiencing contradicts my own internal truths. I’m open to the experience no matter what.

This is very difficult for most people. Most people have a set pattern for how they view the world and they don’t want anything to disturb that pattern. They’re comfortable and happy just seeing a chalice.

Other people, while comfortable and happy seeing a chalice, don’t mind a glimpse or two of the two faces, but they don’t want it to happen very often or for very long. When it happens they can easily write it off as a dream, a hallucination, or some other acceptable anomaly.

Then there are those who not only don’t mind seeing the two faces, but relish the opportunity to expand their horizons, to view the world through a new perspective, to see more patterns and try to figure out how they contribute to the whole.

To do what I do, to see the “hidden” parts of this shared reality, you need to lose the fear, and shift your perspective. Look for the two faces rather than the chalice. You have to lose the preconceptions you have as to what and how the world works. Expand the boundaries that you and other people try to place around your thoughts. Realize that the patterns you accept as part of your world aren’t complete and that they have more parts to them. And understand that the world you perceive through your five senses needs to include those parts that only your mind can perceive, too.

Gestalt is about perceiving patterns, and those patterns change based on how you view your reality. So, those unwilling or unable to shift their perceptions will always see the chalice; while the rest of us will shift between the chalice and the two faces.

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

For the past dozen years or so I’ve been struggling with my chief feature of impatience. I’ve learned to recognize it, which helps me head it off before it gets too destructive; but, the real goal (to me) was to turn it off before it even started. However, it seemed like the closer I came to figuring out how to turn it off, the farther away I got, too. It became like a dance — 1 step forward, and 2 steps back.

Then the other night I had a dream, I was wandering through a house. All the rooms were dark and empty, but somewhere within I could hear music and laughter like a small party. So, I continued to wander through the dark rooms until I finally found that one room with the lightes on. Although disheveled and dirty from having wandered lost for so long, everyone in the room accepted me as if we were the best of friends. I was given a cooling drink, offered food and a comfortable chair, and generally made to feel at home.

When I awoke, I realized that my approach to overcoming my impatience was all wrong. Instead of “conquering” it, I needed to accept it, just as I needed to accept myself. I needed to accept myself for who I was—warts and all—instead of trying to change myself to fit an ideal that was unrealistic. Once I could accept myself, I’d be able to accept everyone else. You see, my real issue isn’t impatience—or even the negative pole of impatience, intolerance—my real issue is acceptance. As long as I keep seeing my chief feature as a flaw instead of as just another feature of who I am, I can never truly accept myself. And if I can’t accept myself, how can I possibly understand or accept anyone else?

So, instead of struggling with my chief feature, I’m learning to embrace it, along with myself, and everyone around me, as full and complete beings with likes, dislikes, foibles, and chief features. And that’s all okay, because all of that is what makes each of us a unique and intriguing individual. It’s what makes our perspectives so different, and our experiences truly unique.

So, instead of struggling with yourself, embrace yourself. Instead of hating yourself for being too stubborn, too arrogant, too thin, too fat, or too anything, learn to make the most of who and what you are—because who and what you are is something wonderous, amazing, and unique!

That doesn’t mean I go out of my way or allow myself to hurt others, or deliberately let my chief feature run amok, because once I recognize that everyone is a unique individual I find that my impatience is curbed and I no longer become so intolerant.

Does that mean I never suffer road rage or the anger of waiting in line thinking, “I could be doing something else right now”. No, those moments still flare within me, and those old angers still raise their ugly heads. But they are fewer and less inflammatory, and by accepting them for what they are, they quickly die and fade back into the ether from where they came.

It sounds a bit like the spiritual training that Mr. Spock (of StarTrek) went through to suppress his emotions, and I guess, in a way it might be. But rather than suppress anything, I’m simply acknowledging the emotional flare up, then allowing it to fade into the well of acceptance that I’ve created for it, instead of flinging it outward and allowing it to grow into something uncontrollable. There is no reason why this has to become an uncontrollable monster, not if I take and accept it for what it is. Once accepted, it loses its power and the monster fades away.

So, next time you face your own monster of a chief feature, try defanging it by not fighting with it. Instead, accept it and watch it turn from a roaring beast into a purring kitten.